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Drugs & Health Blog

Real Teens Ask: How Can I Help My Friend?

Sara Bellum

Lots of teens have questions about drugs. Each year, NIDA scientists spend a whole day chatting online with high school students and answering their questions.

At the last “Drug Facts Chat Day,” a teen from Lima Central Catholic High School in Lima, Ohio asked:

What should I do if one of my friends is using drugs... What should I tell him to convince him to stop?

There are many ways to help and support your friend, but in the end, it will need to be your friend’s decision. And just by asking us this question, it’s easy to see you are a good friend. Sometimes our friends won’t appreciate advice they don’t want to hear—especially if they are using drugs—but telling the truth to help someone close to you is part of being a real friend, even when it’s hard to do.

Here’s some ideas of things to say and do to help:

What To Do:

  • Find out if your friend is experimenting with drugs, or if he may be addicted. Neither one is good—but you may need more support if your friend is addicted.
  • Understand that addiction is a brain disease. Just like you wouldn’t expect someone with cancer to be able to heal herself without the help of a doctor, the right treatment, and support from family and friends, you can’t expect your friend to heal herself.
  • Know that it is never easy for anyone to admit that they have a drug problem. You will need to be patient—and not give up easily.
  • Listen, encourage, share, and support. Sounds easy right? But it’s so hard. We provide further tips and resources in a previous post we wrote titled “How to Help a Friend in Need.”
  • BTW, it's tough having a friend with addiction issues. So, if you need some support, visit: http://www.alanon.alateen.org/.

What To Say:

  • Just telling your friend that you’re concerned can be a big help. Your friend may not want to talk about it, and the effects that drugs have on the brain may keep him or her from “hearing” you or acting on your advice.
  • Assure your friend you are there for her and that she is not alone. People with drug problems often have gotten in with the wrong crowd—and they don’t want to turn away from these so-called friends for fear of being alone.
  • Suggest that he or she speak to a trusted adult who will keep it confidential. Maybe there’s a family friend who could help.
  • Turn to a professional for immediate help if the problem looks to be too big for you to handle alone, or if you’re worried your friend may have suicidal thoughts that she could act on.
  • Use SAMHSA’s Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator or call 1–800–662–HELP to tap into a support network where you can find immediate and confidential help 24/7. They will also be able to direct you to local treatment options.

When the people we care about and have lots in common with make bad choices, it can be frustrating, confusing, and a little depressing. Still, we should be there for our friends, and also try to be a good role models for them by making smart choices ourselves.

Comments

This is very good advice. Speak to a trusted adult - 9 out of 10 the drug abuser does not realise they have a problem until it is too late...fiona from London

I think is i am a drug and alc user at the age 13 and the thing is that you cant help your friend usless they wanna be helped. you can tell thier parents about what is happing and get them into a treatment a lot of hospitals have treatment for teens. but the thing is they cant be helped unless they wanna be help. in thier head is just i want the drug i want the drug. so talk to theri parents about it ! (:

What should you do if you promised your friend you wouldnt tell anyone, but are still very worried about them?

Encourage your friend to talk to a trusted adult who might help them. This could include a parent, their doctor, a teacher or guidance counselor at school, among others. If there is no one else to confide in, they may be able to find to a local treatment professional who can help them by consulting this resource from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/

Actually my ex is found drugs because we broke up he's cutting himself, smoking and just being a douche. You should pull your friend aside and give them suggestions that an adult/counselor can help with.
My friend also does drugs and I don't want to tell everyone but I can't keep it a secret what do I do? I told my parents and my mom is trying to help them out but I want them to listen so, I would just keep it between you two and try helping him/her all you can
Same thing just happend to me just tell someone who you trust or will keep it confidential.
AHHHHHHHHHH DRUGs nooooooooooooooooooooo my brain is melting. i chose to do drugs now im dead
I believe that treatment centers can work for addicts that are not ready. Think about it? If they are using they are so messed up they can't really think. I hope that one day will come when families can put addicts into treatment against their will. We don't allow people with dementia to roam the streets and people put them in treatment without their permission. Addiction is a chronic disease and until everyone understands it things are not going to get better
My friends name is Sarah we were friends 2 years ago but things happened and we broke up but now I'm going to see her next year and I know she's doing drugs I still care for her alot while we were friends she was going through alot of tuff stuff and I now feel like I abandoned her and she doing alot of bad hard core stuff I want to help but I don't know should I even confront should I gradually became friends again and try to be a good friend and support her or should I just leave her alone? I really still care for her

Hi fallon.  It sounds like Sarah could really use a friend that would be a positive influence on her.  You can make a difference by being supportive and helping her see how drugs are affecting her life.  You can also talk to a guidance counselor and tell them your concerns. 

Hi I recently found some evidence on my brothers phone that pointed towards him doing drugs..I don't know what to do! I am pretty sure the evidence is real. I do not want to confront him about it because obviously he has been doing it behind my family's backs. Who should I tell? Do I tell anyone at all? Please tell me what to do.

Hi Sara.  You need to tell your parents what you found.  It will be difficult, but drugs can harm your brother's health.  If you're afraid to tell your parents, you should tell a trusted adult that knows your brother.  Good luck!

I recently became very close to a guy a used to go to school with. He moved away but we talk every day and he's told me that he is doing drugs. He said he does them because he has problems he doesn't know how to deal with but he won't tell me what they are. Lately he's been being distant and calling/texting me at 3,4,5 in the morning...passing out, sleeping a lot and I'm really worried about him. Last night he didn't text me and today he told me he passed out and told me never to do drugs. He said it's too late for him to stop. What should I do?

Concerned, it sounds like your friend is heading down a dangerous path.  Is it possible for you to contact his parents, grandparents, or siblings?  Your parents might be able to help you contact his family.  You might also consider contacting the guidance counselor at his new school.  Your friend needs your help!  It's never too late to stop doing drugs, he just needs a good friend that cares enough to support him through the tough times.  Good luck!

I just found out my one of my old friends is on multiple different drugs and I really want to be able to help him but I don't know how is there someone that I could tell that could sort it out and help him find help, he is getting more and more addicted and has started mixing drugs together and I am really afraid he is going to OD, what do I do?

Ann, you need to contact someone that is close to your friend who can get him help, like a parent, sibling, or mutual friend.  You should tell them what you've heard and let them know they can find a local treatment center by visiting http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/

Im 12 my friends r 11-13 and do drugs and also do IT and hang with street boys and make fun of me cuss im from USA and they're from ... (dont wanna mention) what do i have to do to be the cool one and make them like me and be popular r at least find some friends!!?!?!?!?

@Lil mafia, these don't sound like good friends.  A real friend wouldn't make fun of you or pressure you to do things that make you uncomfortable.  Don't worry about being cool.  Just look for friends that like the same things you do.  Are there clubs at school you'd like to join?  That would be a good place to meet new friends.  Same with non-school activities like sports leagues or dance classes.  

My friends brother is doing drugs, caught in the act, he begged me not to say anything to his sister but I would feel horrible if I didn't tell his sister :-( what can I do??? I'm stuck by being trustworthy to both of them and I don't want him to do drugs but I don't want him to feel like he can't trust me and I don't want her to know that I kept something from her, I want to protect them both

@Max, you know using drugs can be dangerous.  Keeping your the brother's secret is not protecting him.  Sometimes, you have to make difficult decision when it comes to keeping someone safe.  Is there a way you can anonymously alert someone to his drug use?  Can you tell the school counselor?  

i have recently found out that one of my friends boyfriend is a drug dealer. His brother just passed away from over dosing, and im afraid shes doing drugs too. I'm really worried what should i do

AnnieAnn, this is a very dangerous situation.  You need to get help from a trusted adult now.  Tell a parent, school counselor, teacher, neighbor, or friend as soon as you can.  It can feel like betraying your friend when you "tell on her," but it might save her life.

I have a friend who is taking methodrone, I've told him to get help everyone has and he just isn't listening :( he went away to 'sort himself out' but he could only handle 2 days and he came back and is now on it again, he's changed so much as a person, he isn't the same bestfriend I used to know and it's breaking my heart :( his parents know but he doesn't listen to them. Nothing is getting through to him. Is it too late??

It's never too late, Shaneice.  Listen to your friend, be supportive, and continue to encourage him to get help.  You can also connect with Al-Anon to learn ways to cope with your friend's behavior and for more advice on how to help him.  

My cousin said that she was doing drugs. She did drugs for four times (marihuana). I am very worried about her. Because she is so young and I want to tell someone but I just can't. I know I would feel like betraying her but I am also very afraid, she can become an addict. Also her boyfriend does drugs and he bought drugs for my couisn. I told her that she needed to stop doing this... She first started doing this because she found some drugs in her uncle's and she told me that she had been curious. I am just so lost, I really need to know what I have to do.

@Ash Moon, it's obvious that your cousin's behavior is weighing heavily on you.  You need to get help from a trusted adult—it's too much to handle on your own.  It may feel like you are betraying your cousin, but she needs help.  If you can help her stop using drugs now, it will save her a lot of grief in the future.  Is there someone you can confide in that will keep your conversation confidential?  A school couselor, maybe?

I've recently met one boy on birthay party. We became very close and now we tell everything eachother. I saved his life two times and he saved my once. There is nothing i wouldn't do for him. He have much problems in life, his dsd was in jail when he was little and his familie was very poor. He had very bad life. But he is very nice and caring person. He would do anything for me. We live i different cities and we meet once in a week when he comes to see me. He once says to me that he was diling drugs for some man but he told me to that he has stopped with that. But before few days he had some problems with his girlfriend and he bought some drugs and he is doing it again. He can't see anything bad in that. I told him that he will lost me if he go on with that. He says he will never do that again if I try it just once a little... Help me please. I dont know what to do, and i'm sorry cause my english iz not very good.

Sarah, it sounds like your friendship with this boy is very important to you.  However, he is pressuring you to try drugs "just once a little," which is not something a good friend would do.  Why would he stop doing drugs if you agree to try them?  It does not make sense. You need to talk to an adult and let them know this boy is in trouble and needs help.  

I told him I will not try it and if he do that again I will cut myself... It's something I was doing before I met him. He made me stop doing that. Last time I was doing that he came in 2 am to see me. I have promissed him that I will never do that again. He says he will never do drugs again if I never cut myself again... Did I do write thing??

Sarah, you did the right thing by refusing to try drugs, but threatening to cut yourself is unhealthy.  You need to talk to your parents or other trusted adult about the cutting.  It's dangerous and there is are ways to get help.  Please know it will get better.

I have found out that all my really close best friends are doing drugs. It started out with just one of them doing it but she ended up getting the rest of them involved in it to and now they hang out with her old friends from (a town) and they all do drugs to. I have done everything in my power to stop them and nothing has been working. I have recently lost a really close best friend to drugs and im so terrified for my other friends because I just cant imagine a life without them. They have been trying to cut to and one of my friends has tried to kill herself twice recently. She is getting help now but I am concerned she is not getting enough help. I just want no part of what they are doing but I want to help them and make them stop doing drugs. They don't understand how dangerous they are. I just want them safe but I also promised I wouldn't tell anyone about it. Please help. I would greatly appreciate any suggestions.

Hi Prue, this is too much for one person to handle.  You really need to involve a trusted adult.  We understand you promised you wouldn't tell, but you need help.  You can't make your friends stop doing drugs, but an adult can get your friends the help they need.  Good luck.  

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